Updated: Aug 17, 2019
Sunday, March 24th, 2019
It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting here, watching the sky grow darker and darker as the sun sets. Tomorrow I’ll be checking in to my flight and then seeing my sister later tomorrow. I’ve been so lucky to spend the last three weeks with friends. I got to spend a week with Luce, Kay and Colleen and her family, spending nights laughing and talking with good company, then I drove off to see my friend Erica in Fairfield California area. Her schedule has been crazy, but we’ve had a lot of fun in the tiny moments we’ve found and I couldn’t be more thankful for these people allowing me to share their homes and spaces with them. I’m truly thankful and want to send a huge ‘thank you’ to you guys!
It still hasn’t really set in that I’m going to a different country. I keep feeling like I’m so limited in where or what I can do, but then I’m met with non-resistance when it comes to actually going. I think we all do this to some degree- we have this illusion that we’re stuck in a situation, when energetically, we have all the power to change our lives, reality, etc. I know it sounds frustrating because I’m sure there are some who will read this and go “but Ariel, you’re privileged. You magically have the money to travel. You magically met someone who you can travel with.” etc. Lol I totally and completely get it. I am lucky. I am so privileged to have this opportunity and Nathan by my side. But if you asked me four years ago if I could do this, I would have laughed and told you no because I had awful health issues that caused me to barely be able to get out of bed from exhaustion and muscle weakness and because of my health at the time, I couldn’t work. I had wanted to travel at the time, but my husband at the time was really nervous about travel- especially to different countries. I felt so trapped and frustrated because even when I would apply for a job, it wouldn’t turn out. I wouldn’t be what they were looking for. I didn’t have the qualifications. No matter what, something would keep me from that. It became increasingly more and more apparent that if I wasn’t able to push past this invisible resistance that was there, I would lose my husband. And then I did. But not because of that. To tell you the truth, I really believe that my marriage was causing me so much stress, sadness and guilt, that it physically made me sick. I won't really say much more about it, but at the end, I was really, really lonely and I barely spent any time with him at that point. But people grow apart and I continuously send him so much good vibes and really, honestly hope that he's living a happy, successful and love-filled life and showering Echo and Toby loads with loads of love, attention and kisses. ♥️
I don’t think it was completely the stress, sadness and loneliness that caused my symptoms; I still have symptoms and have trouble with my muscles and joints still, but not nearly to the debilitating degree that they were at the time, so I see stress and emotional stress as a big trigger.
But you know what? If I hadn’t left that marriage, I wouldn’t be where I am today. If I hadn’t admitted to myself that it was important enough to see more than my own backyard, I wouldn’t be here. If I hadn’t had that dream, I wouldn’t have met Nathan. ♥️
Life has a funny way of turning our tiny dreams in to big realities. If you dream it, want it and yearn for it, it will come to you in some form or another if it’s meant to be. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. If you want to travel, you'll either start finding opportunities to or be pushed into times that you’re asked to. If you want to move but you are afraid to do it, the universe will give you many opportunities to until it finally pushes you to do it if you can't out of fear. And you’re probably thinking “Bullshit. I’ve dreamt and dreamt and nothing has come of it. I’ve taken the steps. I’ve made the effort!”
But there’s always something. Maybe it’s something that you’ve felt so resistant to doing, that it’s scared you enough to back away from it. Leaving a job to be happier; Leaving a marriage that you’re extremely sad in; Moving from a place that doesn’t bring you joy.
Maybe it‘s a resistance that you don’t evem realize you have yet.
Those are all huge choices and can seem so daunting. But you know what? You can make that decision. If your job doesn’t pay you what you deserve, how will you buy that dream house you want? If you don’t value yourself enough, how can you ask for a raise? If you’re too afraid of leaving the place you’ve lived for so long, then how are you going to find a place you love?
These decisions all take faith, trust, pixie dust and a whole lot of guts. And the truth is, it’s completely and totally fine to be afraid. It’s totally normal! It’s okay to be unsure or not know where your path will go- but for good times sake, have a little adventure in your veins and join me on my journey! ✈️
I’ll be staying in a hotel in Oakland tomorrow night, so I’ll update you then!
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